Not true. The guy was very rude. I live in Williamsburg, Brooklyn, which is a very hip, cool neighborhood in New York. When a blonde moves from New Jersey to New York, what happens? So its nice to know that my son is going to grow up and some day have huge breasts, but its not really going to bother him that much. Greg Fitzsimmons, I spent $700,000 on a house in L.A. at the height of the housing market. Because crap floats. Commuters in the New York City subway. Looked exactly like Spalding Gray. 5. Where's the best place to charge your phone in NYC? That front-wheel drive is crucial when it starts to snow on Rodeo Drive. Christopher Guest, Thank God were back in Hollywood. Its the worst. I cant go, Oh my God, somebody help me! 102. You feel sorryfor the dog. I like having neighbors who arent writing screenplays. Rick Reynolds, I do love America. So, if you are a resident of the city, or ever have been, then give these top NYC jokes a look because they are sure to make you smile. Because I dont know about you but I find laughter to be the best medicine for whatever ails you, which is why I compiled this super snazzy list of the best New York City jokes I could find. Theres three New York stories, alright: Theres I moved here, I lived here all my life and Ghostbusters., Theyve got homeless guys everywhere you look. 34. 44. New Years in NYC really sucked this year. While they may be nice and all where I live in NYC, kids in Germany are kinder. The cab flies into the air and starts breaking apart as the cabbie prays for his life. Bursting with laugh-out-loud jokes and fun facts, LOL Jokes: New York City combines the best of humor and history for young readers! Community events are not associated with or sponsored . "Here's a sentence no one has ever said in the history of New York City: 'Hey, maybe we should get a new awning? And if you found this post useful, be sure to join our email list before pinning this post now so that you can read it again later! Password must be at least 8 characters and contain: As part of your account, youll receive occasional updates and offers from New York, which you can opt out of anytime. To wake up oily. Looking forward to the show., I went to Coney Island recently. This password will be used to sign into all, Photo-Illustration: Vulture and Photo by Getty Images, 150+ Classic Jokes About New York, Los Angeles, Okay, TikTok, You Can Calm Down About Aubrey Plaza at the SAG Awards Now, Shakira Takes Some Pointers From Taylor Swift, All 165 Pink Floyd Songs Ranked, From Worst to Best, Kristen Bell to Befriend an Unorthodox Rabbi. People tell me, Hey, if you quit smoking, youll get your sense of smell back. I live in New York City, I got news for you, folks, I dont want my fucking sense of smell back., 71. Privacy Policy and Only in New York would we cheer for a football team that is named after something you dread every month. I had like bruises everywhere. Cause you can hear anything, at any hour theres always something to blame it on., 50. Even when they try to be nice, they just cant. You gots schmutz on your foots, Toots!. ), 50 Funny Marketing Jokes That Will Increase Business Sales. Are there any differences between a New York Giants fan and a Trump supporter? It is riveting! I use a BMW to travel New York. 73. A hero is any man who does his job. I think all you need is a face. A: So they can park in handicap spaces. Half of them say fuhgeddaboudit and other half keep saying Never forget. What happens when blondes move from New Jersey to New York? It takes a New Yorkers mentality to root for a football team named after something you dread getting every month. I just saw two strangers share a cabone took the battery and the other took the radio and tires. 28. AJokeADay pays cash prizes to the top 10 most popular clean jokes each week! Jimmy Pritchards presents a collection of hundreds of jokes, collected from wonderfully diverse patrons over the course of his career tending bars in New York City, that are sure to have anybody laughing. Sometimes, these NYC puns and New York jokes are so over-the-top bad that theyre actually good. You can also read more about which policy is right for you in my full review here. Why is The Wave banned in the Carrier Dome? I saw these two women who were clearly lost, and I walk up and go, You need help finding something? She looks up and goes, Oh no, we prefer to find it ourselves. Isnt that a weird preference? So I have to do it now. Because the system is supposed to go slowly the first time and if it meets any resistance its supposed to release and then hammer back a second time. smells of the Big Apple, this local joke book delivers kid-friendly punchlines that will have readers laughing 'til they cry! Youre stretching it out, you fat pig! You can get your purse snatched and your rear end pinched simultaneously., 87. smells of the Big Apple, this local joke book delivers kid-friendly punchlines that will have readers laughing 'til they cry! And the best New York jokes accurately reflect what life is really like here the good, the bad, the ugly. 184. They stick to the ground., 96. We want your New York jokes too! I live in New York. I was walking home at 3 a.m., and a homeless man on a pay phone yells, Hey, you wanna come talk to my father? Why do New Yorkers like to visit Minnesota? I was on an elevator in a building in Manhattan. 163. Pervs touch tots; tots are angels who havent died yet. 178. Its tough finding a good bar to go to in New York sometimes. Youd love a mayonnaise store. Sometimes I want to hang outside of there with fried chicken and watermelon, wait for people to come out, and be like, I dare you to say something. Wyatt Cenac, Relationships are hard in NYC. What is the best way to get from Boston to NYC? Why dont Syracuse football players sink in the Great Lakes? New York, NY 10003. You dont hear about Martians in Harlem., 67. There are so many ways to die here. New York when civilization falls apart, remember, we were way ahead of you., 61. the mayor told the Statue of Liberty to please put her arm down. You have 27 different menus next to your telephone. Next stop, 205th Street. The worst thing is you cant really react, you know? NYC is an exciting place where something mysterious is always happeningmost of these instances remain unsolved. OUR LATEST VIDEOS 2. I could never live there. New York has tasty hot dogs. Go Bills! Push. I know its kind of stupid to complain about a movie that came out 17 years ago, but I wasnt a comedian back then. You must be over 18 years old to visit this site. NYCs New Years sucked. They wanted an expert on dropping the ball at the last second. Thats sick! Dana Gould. There are no children in the eyes of the New York Post. Its like somebody took an Ansel Adams photo and then put a Cypress Hill video inside it. Al Madrigal, If you ever thought you were ugly, Los Angeles is the place to come and find out you were right. Richard Jeni, You cant smoke in a restaurant in Los Angeles, which is mildly ironic when you consider the fact that you cant breathe outside a restaurant in Los Angeles. Greg Proops, Hollywood is like Picassos bathroom. Candice Bergen, I have been asked if I ever get the DTs; I dont know, its hard to tell where Hollywood ends and the DTs begin. W.C. I didnt get much sleep. Its not like in the movies, but what better way is there to cope up with it than sharing a laugh with someone special? In NYC, one suicide in ten is due to a lack of storage space. Eleven up and one over, you simple bitch. John Mulaney, I live in New York, and sometimes you see troubling things on the street. New York isnt taxi-ing to your wallet. Lost in New York? 20 Jokes About New York That Are Actually Funny When you can make fun of the weather, the public transportation, and how much the rest of America misunderstands us, you're a true New Yorker at heart. In NYC, one suicide in ten is due to a lack of storage space., 36. And that ten years, Id like to spend in New York. Harry Ruby, Gluten-free pizza elicits the same response at a Hollywood party that a pile of cocaine did in the 80s. Natasha Leggero, Everyones into health in Beverly Hills. In New York its always raining Katz and dogs. But it was a-boat time. I love New York. Since that time he has been . Think about that, thats true. Wish Id known that before I risked my life. Do you want to know my favorite Los Angeles Dodger? And they are all true! Nick Johnson, About HomeSnacks May 6, 2018 HomeSnacks is reader-supported. 9. . 103. That is not the most dramatic thing that you just said. 77. Thats why I love karaoke so much it takes all the music I find annoying AND all the people I find annoying, and keeps it in one place I can easily avoid. Aziz Ansari, I always wanted to live in New York when I was a kid. Whoever left their iPhone X at Katz Deli in NYC? Talk about kazoos for a few minutes, then you hop on your unicycle and juggle, you carnival-faced motherfucker. Hannibal Buress, Fuck you, and fuck the Yankees! Hard to find four innocent people in New York., 70. Looking for total wieners? ', 41. Copyright 2023 Girl With The Passport | Birch on Trellis Framework by Mediavine. Why are we stoppin? 76. In which part of New York do cholesterol levels tend to be lowest? What is completely contained within its container and may become volatile and explosive when compressed? Try the the NYC hotdogs. The Cyclone was made in the year 1927. Its great that youre able to do it. Why do people feel comfortable to do that in that situation? You should take a belt on Brooklyn bridge because it already has suspenders. Because while New York City is amazing, its definitely not perfect. They have signs that not only say, Will work for food, some of them have what they want: baked potato, salad, shrimp, sweet-potato pie, sour chives. A.J. Its not really a ghetto, its a ghetto suburb. The city that never sleeps. Try the New York pretzels. New Yorks such a wonderful city. Welcome! 10 Comedians Tell Us Their Favorite Jokes About New York If you can't laugh here, move to Los Angeles By Shari Gab Jeff Garlin once called New York "the only city where you can be awakened by a smell." Which is to say: the only way to survive New York is to have a sense of humor about it. Tire-less. I saw a movie about New York City when I was a kid, it was called Home Alone 2: Lost in New York I remember that kid gets into a stretch limousine on Fifth Avenue with a large cheese pizza, and I thought, This is the height of luxury! Who doesnt love a good pun? Im fat in all the wrong places. Did you hear that NYC paid Hillary Clinton $2,000,000 as a consultant for New Years Eve? But the best/worst/best again part of Hollywood is the nonstop parade of delusion you get to see Right now there are a million people in Hollywood who are all going to make it. David Cross, I love Los Angeles. How do you describe an NYC bike that has been sitting in the sun for hours? 56. I love this city; its a great city. There are over 8 million people in this city. The coffee shop and organic doggy-treat bakeshop cant open till youre gone. I saw one guy the other day in New York, a homeless guy; he had a dog with him. This man was left with his head in the train and his body and bags flapping around outside on the platform. When were standing on 4th Street., I was on the train. My uncle ten years ago, this guy was a prominent judge in Manhattan; now hes a wino living in Central Park. Id flown in yesterday, and I had this very weird, genuine New York moment. In a Netflix comedy by Katharine McPhees stepdaughter. And my first thought was not, He committed suicide years ago. Two Towers., 9. Thats what New York Citys done to me. Im like, Cat noise? Because crap floats. Trump was like, 'That's why I live on the 58th floor.'" -Jimmy Fallon "In New York City today, the 69th version of the United Nations General Assembly was called to order. Yawn., 104. I was stressed and unhappy with my life, so I moved to Los Angeles. And when I got home, I was like, What was I thinking? The Stock Exchange. Well, if your hand just shot straight up then I think you NEED this epic list of New York jokes and stellar New York puns in your life. New York pretzels leave my heart in twists. Good call. The other frightens birds and small animals. Trust me, these jokes about New York City will have you cracking up something that is extremely important after the past two years that weve endured and given all the craziness in the world today. 55. 2. Because the light at the end of the tunnel is New Jersey. And, as if by magic, instead of breaking apart, the car hits the ground and . Henry, New York makes one think of the collapse of civilization, about Sodom and Gomorrah, the end of the world. Thats like going to a casino and routing for the house. Doug Stanhope, Its tough finding a good bar to go to in New York sometimes. Keep smiling and join us on Social, we'd love to have you over. Just walk around on a sunny day, see anything, any object, think, Oh, thats so interesting, and then you decide to touch it and notice that its far more moist than you thought it would be. Ari Shaffir, Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines. David Letterman, People say New Yorkers cant get along. Why dont Los Angeles drivers use their blinkers? NYC is the only city in the world where you can be awakened by a smell. The fisherman in New York City reeled in a 250-pound catfish measuring 6 feet 6 inches long.I dont get what the big deal is. See you in the Email! New York is the most exciting place in the world to live. Can you tell me the only thing that grows in Buffalo? I love this city; its a great city. Why is The Wave banned in the Carrier Dome? A representative for Mr. Kilmer confirmed he was indeed in the film, and hopes this will prevent future tragedies of this nature. In handicap spaces you cant really react, you need help finding something in spaces... You gots schmutz on your unicycle and juggle, you simple bitch sitting in the train and his and. Of humor and history for young readers, 2018 HomeSnacks is reader-supported go in. Nyc puns and New York city combines the best New York would cheer. 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